relationships always sounded so physically painful; you fell in love, you broke a heart, you lost your head. was it any wonder that people came through the experience with battle scars? the problem with a marriage - or maybe its strength - was that it spanned a distance, and you were never the same person you started out being. if you were lucky, you could still recognise each other years later.
what they don't know can't hurt them. the problem with coming clean was that you thought you were clearing the slate, starting over, but it never quite worked that way. you didn't erase what you'd done. the stain would still be there, everytime he looked at you, before remembering to hide the disappointment in his eyes.
betrayal was like a stone beneath the mattress of the bed you shared, something you felt digging into you no matter how you shifted position. forgiving and forgetting were fused together - flip sides of the same coin - and yet they couldn't both exist at the same time. choosing one meant that you sacrificed seeing the other.what was the point of being able to forgive, when deep down, you both had to admit you'd never forget?
it was a little like a scar on a polished wooden table - you'd try to see the rest of the gleaming surface, but your eyes and your fingers would be drawn to the pitted part, the one thing that kept it from being perfect.
we were at different places in that same relationship, and like anything out of
alignment, we were destined to crash sooner or later.
almost doesn't count, except in horseshoes and hand grenades.
don'r brush the tears off my cheek. don't wipe off my feelings.
;9:30 PM
