如果爱 is a bloody sad song. ): its been playing nonstop on my computer since tuesday.
i remember a time when i was still a very naive girl, who believed love and relationships lasted forever. or at least, lasted till i grew up. well, it did. cos i certainly grew up these past 2 years. love, or rather romantic relationships, never last. it's all a faux. a lie. and i'm not saying it just because i'm bitter about anything. on the contrary. because i'm happy being single. i really am.
during that period of time 2 years ago, i remembered my anticipation for j1 to come. because i fantasized about us being in the same school finally. but before anything even materialised, i was rudely awaken from my dream. and then i stopped dreaming. you're in some other school now, and happily attached the last i heard. which is really good, because i feel that i've found my best friend back again, without all the fancy strings attached and stuff. (: i finally understand how you felt after it, because its happening to me now. haha oh, the circle of life. what goes around comes around.
there was a particular point of time this week, when i was feeling very out-of-sorts. maybe its the time of the month, or maybe its just some sort of moodiness setting in. i was greatly disappointed then, and it was after midnight. i lay on my bed with tears pooling in my eyes, wondering why and how things happened the way it did. i mentally went through the list of people in my contact list, and discovered i didnt really want to tell any of them what happened. is this what a hopeless life i lead? cos its really pathetic. until i came across this name. and i sms-ed. i got a reply. but it was enough. i felt that i didnt have to tell about what happened. it's kind of weird. but at the point of time, i suffused into tears once more, but of another nature entirely. i was grateful i had at least one person to count on, in case anything did happen.
thanks alot buddy. you know who you are(: thanks for your entirely fierce voice over the phone. and the thing is settled now, so xie xie!! heh
okie. that was almost half an entry dedicated to you and another you. haha whatever. i think i'm very ambigious. which is good.
you know today, during econs lecture, there was a slide about opportunity cost. i was contemplating about two options, pool with friends OR talking to sec school friends on msn. if friends = pri sch friends, pool. if friends = nj friends, msn. it seems like the older the friends are, the more priority they take in my life. haha but somehow i always feel that i didnt actually spend the 2 years i did in SN. its pretty much a blur, and i dont think anything very important came out of it other than 2dee friends and NP. =/ i'm a failure at keeping friends.
the school's admin is screwed. face it.
my. this is a long entry indeed. haha
;8:27 PM
